My Beautiful Boy

My beautiful boy 

Will he ever know

What happened to my life

When he arrived to this world?

 

His fingers, 

his toes, 

his ears, 

and his nose

Perfection isn’t even the right word

 

Love 

like a waterfall 

 

years are passing

No one has taught me

How to braid fear 

with letting go 

 

The unteachable lesson

of being a mother 

 

Your world 

slowly walking

Away 

 

In giggles

Unbothered

Living his life 

As if nothing happened

 

Yet everything happens at once 

 

You sit at the table

Once filled with laughter

With pictures 

and crayons 

and a missing puzzle

 

No one can teach you 

the unteachable lesson

Of your heart living

outside your own vessel 

 

Playing 

Loving 

Crying 

Losing 

Fighting

 

You watch

As your heart builds

His very own

Pathway

 

Without you

 

And you sit at that table

Watching him go

Crossing your fingers

Till your knuckles hurt 

 

Dear Lord 

Have mercy over my beautiful boy,

​

Let him embrace 

And be safe 

In this world! 

​

Kasia Kowalska